Isaac Hougas, fresh from the oven {newborn session}

Wanna see more of this?

....and I know you do!

Finding normal again

This weekend was the closet thing to "normal" that we've experienced in the past month.  After a month long cancer scare with my mom (which included two nasty surgeries, one of which was just done at Mayo) that ended up in relief, a tubal pregnancy turned miscarriage, and numerous health problems with Ingrid and myself, we finally had, what felt like, a normal weekend.  We hit the memorial day parade- and Ingrid went wild with glee at the sight of all the "twucks", and then when her almost 2 year old "ants in the pants" hit we high tailed it over the The Village of Yesteryear, her favorite place to explore.

It felt good to grill out, enjoy walks, and play with side walk chalk.  Like maybe everything will feel normal again really soon.  Yesterday I had a blood test again and my doctor told me my HCG levels are down to 3.  Even though I already know that I lost this pregnancy, it felt like a knife in the heart.  Three.  Last week they were in the 200 range.  Hearing that is like reality hitting you again, this really happened.  I have a doctor appointment on Friday, and we're hoping for encouraging news, maybe it will be safe to plan for a baby again in the future. Until then....I will soak up every bit of sunshine with Ingrid, and enjoy every moment of being the mother of one.  

Baby Cocoon

So I have been wanting to make a baby cocoon for a photography prop for myself for a while, and I came across a pattern recently, but because it wasn't exactly what I want, I used it as a guide and made changes along the way.  So for all intents and purposes I posted below the pattern that I re purposed.

Materials:
1 skein of Lion Brand Wood Ease Chunky yarn
9mm hook

Pattern:
-Chain 6, join with slit stitch (6)
-2 HDC in each stitch around (12)
-1 HDC in 1st stitch, 2 HDC in the next stitch, repeat around (18)
-1 HDC in next 2 stitches, 2 HDC in next stitch, repeat around (24)
-1 HDC in next 3 stitches, 2 HDC in next stitch, repeat around (30)
-1 HDC in next 4 stitches, 2 HDC in next stitch, repeat around (36)
-1 HDC in next 5 stitches, 2 HDC in next stitch, repeat around (42)
-1 HDC in next 6 stitches, 2 HDC in next stitch, repeat around (48)
-2-3 rounds of HDC (48) (depending on how deep you want the cocoon)
-Finish off and weave in loose ends.

There has been a baby boom as of late-so I fully expect this will come in handy in the coming weeks!

Party Planning!

So just 10 short weeks until my sweet Ingrid Nightingale's SECOND birthday!  I. CAN'T. WAIT.  I think that today I just need something to take my mind off what my summer won't look like-so I am planning Ingrid's party-nothing like thinking about the most amazing day of my life to cheer me up!  We are going "kitty crazy" this year.  Ingrid is OBSESSED with kitties.  My parents have two indoor cats, and she knows both of them well.  She loves her "Bae-mae" (batman) and "Cawee" (Callie).  Whenever we go to my parents house she makes a bee line for Batman, gives him a giant hug and says "I woe you" (I love you).  So kitty galore it is.  I found an amazing kitty cake that I can't wait to try out.  I'm thinking of doing kitty face painting, kitty ears, kitty place settings etc...Does anyone have any other good ideas?  She's only two, and there will probably be a couple other 2 or 3's year olds there, so we probably won't have a lot for games and activities.  If you have any fun, creative, kitty themed ideas for me I'd love to hear them!!

Wordless Wednesday: Blueberry Pie

January 13, 2012: My journey with pregnancy loss

January 13, 2012 would have been my due date.  Last Wednesday I found out I was pregnant, and on the very same day I found out I most likely would not go on to have a viable pregnancy.  I went into the doctor with stomach pain-the doctor asked if I could be pregnant, and I told her that while we were trying, I was almost 100% sure I was not, considering I had no symptoms (and I mean no symptoms) that would indicate pregnancy.  She said we should do a blood test, just to make sure because she thought that if I was indeed pregnant, that I might be miscarrying due to my symptoms.  I took the blood test, and then went home.  On my drive home I was thinking what if I was pregnant and miscarrying?  How would that make me feel?  I concluded that I was be disappointed, but since I didn't know anyway that I would be okay.  About an hour later I got a call from the doctor.  She broke the news that my HCG levels were high and that I was pregnant, she told me to come right in because they wanted to make sure it was not an ectopic pregnancy ( I had severe pain in my side).  As soon as she told me the news, I felt like all the air was sucked out of the room.  How could this be happening? I was not just disappointed, I was devastated and certainly not okay.  I rushed to the doctor's office and went straight in for an ultrasound.  Sparing all the details, the doctor was concerned that I either had a burst ovarian cyst, or an ectopic pregnancy.  As long as my pain level was under control they decided to send me home.  I was labeled with an unlocated pregnancy.  The doctor even said that there was hope that my pain was just due to a burst ovarian cyst, and that I might have a viable pregnancy on my hands, and that maybe it was just too early to see the baby.  I knew different.  When I found out I was pregnant with Ingrid I had a positive home pregnancy test 9 days before I was even supposed to be able to find out.  This time around, I took 3 pregnancy test's, all of which came back negative.  Even though I was pregnant, something was wrong from the very start.  Long story short, I have been monitored daily since last Wednesday, and as of right now they think the pregnancy was tubal, and the baby naturally aborted out the end of my fallopian tube and miscarried.  I go back in next week for a follow up appointment to discuss any risk factors of getting pregnant again.  The way I understand it, if you've had a tubal pregnancy once, then you're risk of having another one is much greater.

Physically I still don't feel well at all, and the doctor said it might be another week until I feel any better.  Emotionally it has been roller coaster.  It's hard to know how to process loosing a pregnancy, when you didn't have time to connect with the baby in the first place.  I will tell you this:  it is no different whether you see two little pink lines in the privacy or your own bathroom or whether a doctor calls to tell you the news.  Either way you are pregnant.  This is your baby.  I would say I'm resting comfortably somewhere between denial, anger, and acceptance.  It really comes in waves-when I'm at the doctors office it really hits me-I'm there for a sad reason.  I am so taken aback when asked if this is my 1st or 2nd pregnancy (I've heard that question a lot this week).  I want to say "What?!  I've only had one pregnancy!"  But now, that answer has changed, I've had two. I loved being pregnant with Ingrid, it was truly one of the most cherished times in my life.  I loved going to the doctor, I loved getting ultrasounds, I loved looking like a beached whale-I loved it all, it was truly bliss.  Now, I know the dark side of pregnancy, the ugly side when instead of a beautiful little bundle of joy you leave the doctors office empty handed, with a piece of you missing.  They figure i was about 6 weeks along-which is hard for me.  I was pregnant on my birthday, I was pregnant on mother's day.  Please don't get me wrong, I know there are much worse stories out there.  I know people have experienced much more difficult situations regarding pregnancy.  But I try not to compare-there will always be a worse story out there, but I need to grieve our loss-unique to our situation.  I only hope and pray that we will be able to have a successful pregnancy in the future.  We will take one day at a time, and wait to feel peace with whatever happens.  I am reading a novel right now, and last night I came across this line  "Understanding why something happens is a lot less important then understand that God will be there to see you through".  I plan to hold on to that.

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!

Thursday

There isn't much I have to say today, other then we've been enjoying the warm weather.  Oh, and Ingrid is mildly bubble obsessed.  She waves around the bubble wand screaming "BUDDLES!  BUDDLES!".....it's darling!  This week has consisted of lots of walks, Popsicles, and lunches on our deck.  Ahhh..summer.