Tuesday, August 2, 2011

8-2-2009 to 8-2-2011

Since Ingrid's 2nd birthday is coming up in just 14 days I find myself looking back at my maternity photo's when I was carrying her.  It's so hard to believe that that tiny little newborn has grown in to a walking, talking, full-of-spirit little person.  I am so proud of who Ingrid is becoming-Michael and I were talking the other night and we feel so lucky that Ingrid has turned into the exact little girl we always envisioned ourselves having.  Full of life, personality, will, and humor.  Simply put-she's the best.  (doesn't every parent feel that way?!)  Having said all that, I will be honest-it hurts to look back at my maternity photo's.  It was a time in my life that was so magical, so wondrous-and I've said it once and I'll say it again-nothing will ever compare to the experience of carrying a child.  I was sad for about a year after she was born that I wasn't pregnant anymore, I love it so much!  Now looking back at those photo's I feel a twinge of pain in my gut as I still deal with, and process, the grief of loosing our 2nd pregnancy.  My heart desires another baby in such a magnificent way-yet my head struggles with the thought of risking myself again.  I probably think about having another baby 50% of my waking hours, and the time that I am not thinking about it, I feel it-because it's on my heart always.  As we look forward to celebrating Ingrid's 2nd year of life in a couple of weeks, I pray for clarity of thought, and stillness of heart, knowing that we will receive guidance in the future.

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